Closer To The Sky Yet Farther From Heaven
Mood: Forcibly content
Music: Bonnie Pink - It's Gonna Rain!
As I'm writing this entry, I am in a resthouse here in Baguio owned by my dad's friend.
Baguio City has always been a special place to me. I don't go here often but when I do, I always get some sort of emotional breakthrough which helps me cope with my personal problems--most of which are just caused by my paranoia or neurosis. I don't really know why this place makes me feel a bit lighter. Maybe it's the mountain air. Again, I don't really know. This place really helps me think a lot about life.
In past entries, I've raved a lot about my career because I just really love it so much. I'm really trying hard to be content about it. I don't really want to complain because my career is going well and I'm really learning a lot from it. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I try to be content; no matter how many times I say to myself, "I've got a career... Life is good," I still feel somewhat empty and incomplete.
I may sound like a brat, but that's just exactly how I feel. All this time I've just been lying, force-feeding myself the concept of contentment. Even though I've said it time-and-again that I love my career, something still feels missing. I have an idea on what it is, I just don't want it to be "that" because I think that it's not for me to decide if "it" is for me.
I think the title of this entry summarizes effectively exactly what I'm going through right now. Even though I see that I am getting closer and closer to reaching the skies, I still feel very far from the Heaven that I so seek.
For now, I'll just keep on talking; convincing myself that life is good. Maybe, just maybe, I can learn to truly accept it.
Music: Bonnie Pink - It's Gonna Rain!
As I'm writing this entry, I am in a resthouse here in Baguio owned by my dad's friend.
Baguio City has always been a special place to me. I don't go here often but when I do, I always get some sort of emotional breakthrough which helps me cope with my personal problems--most of which are just caused by my paranoia or neurosis. I don't really know why this place makes me feel a bit lighter. Maybe it's the mountain air. Again, I don't really know. This place really helps me think a lot about life.
In past entries, I've raved a lot about my career because I just really love it so much. I'm really trying hard to be content about it. I don't really want to complain because my career is going well and I'm really learning a lot from it. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I try to be content; no matter how many times I say to myself, "I've got a career... Life is good," I still feel somewhat empty and incomplete.
I may sound like a brat, but that's just exactly how I feel. All this time I've just been lying, force-feeding myself the concept of contentment. Even though I've said it time-and-again that I love my career, something still feels missing. I have an idea on what it is, I just don't want it to be "that" because I think that it's not for me to decide if "it" is for me.
I think the title of this entry summarizes effectively exactly what I'm going through right now. Even though I see that I am getting closer and closer to reaching the skies, I still feel very far from the Heaven that I so seek.
For now, I'll just keep on talking; convincing myself that life is good. Maybe, just maybe, I can learn to truly accept it.
posted by caitiff at 7:27 PM
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